We all are born to do something in life however in the end what we do and get with us is nothing. Guess I had chosen nothing as my destiny. I am 29 years old and if I look back and glance to what I have done or achieved, it is nothing. Often from outside perspective I look like a loner however I am only alone. Loneliness is not something you choose but it is a character trait, an attitude due to which in midst of crowd you stand alone. I am happy to be alone and I am not lonely as that is not my trait or my choice. Being alone has in the end made my ambition to be nothing sterner.
What in the end will I get to keep even if I am the richest or the most starving? Both sides fight out life only to survive for basic needs. Rest all are add on. What if I completed my engineering? Yet I know I would have worked somewhere for money and survival. My present is no different.
Whatever Jesus did whilst alive, he got nothing. What is his gain that there is a religion on him? I had expectations and attachment with my loved ones but when I woke up one day and found myself all alone, I realized in this end this is the eternal truth. Yes over a 1000 of people must be dying at the same second however when they do, they all die alone. Even if you plunge in their funeral pyre and convince I am ending with my love, you are not; your soul will wander alone. Then for what reason we build up all sort of emotions, I ask myself. The only expression which survives is love which is purest form is always unconditioned.
I have struggled with all these emotions, expectations, anguishes, sadness, hate and attachment. Today as I write, I do not find any meaning out of all these, as my tears to who I love cannot be seen then why shed them. Yet as I accept and understand the limitation of human mind until you overpower it, is you will again build up hope and attachment and all things again will follow.
Even if I get married, I would not be lonely but will be alone as this is my preferred state of mind. Then why spoil other’s battle for survival in clan when I choose not to be a part of it. All successful minds of the world who we love to follow and idealize are aware of this eternal truth that they are nothing.
Hence while come around love and reciprocate the sense of nothingness in all what I pursue will prevail. And since my aim is to get nothing , my efforts in what all I do are nothing. I wish I get what I deserve in the end “absolute nothing”.